As it often does, the Internet exploded with people raging about a new ad for Gillette razors last week.

The usual suspects lauded the ad as “about time corporate America took on toxic masculinity.” Of course the Limbaugh Army was on the other side, bemoaning the wussification of American men.

The debate hit my computer screen long before the actual ad. So I decided instead of picking a side and fighting, I’d do what no one on the Internet does — watch the advertisement and make up my own mind. 

It made a good point — men should not be jerks, and most of us probably are. It seemed just a bit self-righteous coming from people whose product is so overpriced in some stores it has to be locked up in a case like diamonds. 

Frankly, guys who need this lesson are not going to learn it from a razor commercial. As it turns out those types of dudes aren’t really big on learning anything that can’t be taught during a game of beer pong. 

Upon viewing the commercial, the target demographic collectively said, “That’s dumb. Hey bro, remember when they had the one with the hot chick in it?”

Besides, I don’t need the Gillette razor people moralizing for me. This is a company that’s happy to charge more for lady razors than they do for man razors with the only difference being that the women’s are pink. 

Cans of Gillette shaving cream cost two to three times as much as the competition, and last about half as long. 

So the Gillette people don’t have the moral authority to shame the majority of men for acting like cartoon wolves every time a pretty lady walks by … or bullying other people. … or for cheering on fights between children. Is that even a thing? Who does that? 

My problem is that this company has been happy to profit from ads falsely inferring the use of their product will lead to everything from having more success in business to being a better father and yes, most often, bedding beautiful women by the dozen. Gillette is an empire built with equal parts of over-priced razors and the objectification of women.

Gillette’s ProGlide Styler commercial from a few years back featuring a selection of underwear models seductively staring into the camera as their manscaping preferences were described … by a man … because apparently Kate Upton can’t talk. 

 “This is Genesis, she prefers her man to be completely hairless.” 

Yeah, I’m sure young people didn’t take any demeaning messages about women from that ad at all. Insert sound of my eyes rolling here.

While it seems counterproductive to point out that the majority of your customers are terrible, it has drawn a lot of attention. So don’t be surprised when you see the following commercials —

• An advertisement for Oreo cookies telling people to get off their fat butts and exercise. The phrase, “We’re looking at you fatty.” will be added to all Oreo packaging.

• McDonald’s will roll out a yearlong campaign centered on shaming people for not making home cooked meals.

• Netflix’s new advertising will focus on the importance of reading books, especially for stupid people who spend their days binge watching “Friends.” 

• Ford’s 2020 model vehicles will be promoted in an Internet-based ad series telling people to “quit killing the environment and take the bus.”

• Tourism promotions for Kansas will feature actual video footage of Kansas.

• Victoria’s Secret will sell its lacy goods with a series of photo shoots featuring fully clothed models studying in a library … without makeup. Dudes will still make sexual comments about them, because for some, that is “the best a man can get.”

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