How humans became the dominant form of life on the planet, well except for the cockroaches, is beyond me.
Humans are kind of an annoying species.
Bees were just fine without us, they just collected pollen, made honey and did their bee stuff. Then humans came along, decided we liked honey and started harvesting it [or stealing if you consider the bees’ perspective].
Then nothing much happened until 1776 when the United States became the dominant social force on the planet. Yet it seems our most successful venture has been the exportation of Disney, Nike and Papa Johns products.
Everything else the U.S. tries to do ends up in a big fight. In fact the only thing we seem to be able to agree on is that “the country is too divided,” and that “it’s completely the other side’s fault everything’s so divided!” Quit dividing us people I don’t agree with!
Half the country accuses the other half of ignoring science when it comes to climate change. However, that’s all right because the ones who don’t pay attention to climatology are usually the same ones denouncing the other side for ignoring biology and genetics when it comes to gender issues.
There are two things ingrained in human nature — discontent and argumentativeness. We’re unhappy and we want to tell someone else they’re wrong. In fact, you probably wanted to tell me I’m wrong while reading that last statement.
The weather is a perfect example of both of these human conditions.
For me when it’s 73 degrees it’s too hot, crank the AC. Below 70? Burr, it’s so cold, turn on the heater.
So unless I move somewhere that is perpetually in the three-degree comfort zone, I’m either looking for a sweater or wishing for a bag of frozen peas to sit on.
We’re all the same with not being happy about the temperature, but it’s completely subjective. What’s comfortable to one person is hell to another — often leading into the argumentative nature of humans.
The other day as we were driving, my wife said, “It’s hot, let’s turn on the AC.”
I looked at the temperature on the car’s display — 71 degrees — and instinctively said, “It’s not hot; it just feels hot.”
What does that even mean?
I may as well have said something equally stupid like, “David Duke isn’t a bigot, he just hates people of color,” or “I like country music as long as I don’t have to hear it,” or “Spaghettios are just as good as food.”
Here’s a free lesson for you idiots who may not know a lot about women — if your wife is too hot, just turn on the air conditioner. All you have to do is push a button, and the button is right there. You don’t even have to stretch to reach it.
So why would I try to contend that my wife was wrong about her comfort level? It was likely because as a human, I apparently like to argue about things; the stupider, the better.
What was I going to accomplish? Did I expect her to say, “Oh you’re right. Please don’t turn it on.”
I’m not alone. The 42 percent of the Internet that isn’t dedicated to pornography, stealing people’s identities or sharing pictures of puppies is basically people arguing about stuff using about the same level of intelligence I was displaying.
People race to express their stupid opinions at the bottom of articles, as if pointing out that Donald Trump’s hair is likely fake will change anyone’s political views.
All things considered, this is probably why the roaches will outlast us when the inevitable nuclear Armageddon happens. We won’t find a place to hide from the radioactive fallout because we’ll be too busy telling someone on social media they’re wrong about “The Bachelor.”
So congratulations roaches, you’ll inherit the Earth. You’ve earned it.
Follow David Anderson on
Twitter at twitter.com/cruizerdave