Feminism has failed women in a very significant way, and for once, the patriarchy is not to blame.

I work with several women. I’m married to a woman. I even have a young woman for a daughter. They are upset, and this time I didn’t even do anything to cause it. 

I just learned that almost all women’s pants don’t have real pockets. 

When a dude buys pants … OK let’s be factual here …

When a dude’s wife/girlfriend/mother buys him pants, the last thing he worries about is pocket depth. 

Apparently, while men’s pockets are always nice and deep, the pockets on women’s slacks are just there for show, if at all. The typical pair of slacks for females allows one to carry 75 cents worth of quarters and that’s it.

Women are justifiably angry about being shortchanged. 

Forget about having pockets in any type of active wear if you’re a lady. Nope, ladies are forced to improvise what can only be described as a “bra-ket” if they want to go on a walk, a jog or do yoga and don’t want to carry their phones in hand. 

It’s really unfair.

Now if I were smart, I wouldn’t point out the fact my pants pockets have plenty of room. My wallet is as thick as a brick, packed with eight years worth of receipts for gas station hot dogs, expired coupons and business cards for people I’ll never contact. Yet, there is still abundant room for it in my pockets. 

It’s not just my regular pants either. My sweatpants, track pants and even pajamas all have pockets. I don’t know why. I’m never in bed thinking, “oh, man, I’m glad I have these pockets, otherwise where would I put my Oreos?”

My back pockets are capable of holding just about any item I don’t want to sit on, such as sunglasses, glass bottles or cactus. To add insult to injury, many of my work pants also have extra pockets on the legs. What would I even put there? No idea, but the pockets are there all the same.

Having all this pocket room is a bit embarrassing. 

This is especially true when you consider guys carry only three items —keys, wallet and a pocketknife cellphone. Thanks Apple. 

Men need nothing else. 

Women have to carry around all the same stuff as men in addition to an assortment of other crap — tissues, makeup and sometimes moderately sized firearms to protect themselves from overly pocketed men. 

So instead, women wind up using purses — bags of dangerous mystery, full of lady stuff men shouldn’t try to understand. 

The quest for the perfect purse is like pursuing the Holy Grail. I’ve been trying to help my wife find the perfect purse for years. Every time we think the mystical purse knight has told us “you’ve chosen wisely” everything crumbles to the ground. 

The strap turns out to be too long, too short, or it’s fine and breaks off after a week. Or the purse is too small to hold the essential items. Or the purse is too large and knocks down store displays while becoming a black hole from which many a Tic Tac, house key and debit card are never recovered. Some purses are the perfect size, but too ugly to give to even an unloved stepchild. Other purses are delightful, yet lack even the pocket room of a standard pair of ladies’ slacks.

Meanwhile, half the population of Earth just pats down its pockets — keys, wallet, phone — good to go. 

If women had useful pockets, the purse issue wouldn’t be nearly so critical. 

Women can vote, work, fight terrorists, drive monster trucks — literally anything a man can do and usually better, but for some reason they’re not allowed to have decent pockets in their pants. 

I say equality for women should extend to both pay and pockets.

Fortunately, as far as I know, straight, white, males shoulder no culpability for the design of women’s slacks. Whew!

Follow David Anderson on 

Twitter at twitter.com/cruizerdave

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