So there is a new volley of inanity to hit the Internet — besides all things Trump, AOC and Bee Gees memorabilia. It’s an idea that makes me think I really need to get my TV fixed so I can quit looking at the Internet.

It’s called “Storm Area 51.”

“They can’t stop us all,” say the social media posts, promoting the idea of storming a top secret U.S. Air Force base in September.

According to the U.S. Government, Area 51 doesn’t officially exist, but if it did it would just be the place where new-fangled jets are tested.

Of course Area 51 is also known for being the supposed storage area for aliens who crashed near Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947. Those who purport the theory believe that the government covered it up as part of some vast conspiracy, because of course they do.

Sigh.

Yeah, once you jump on the conspiracy bandwagon, you’re just a few stops from second gunmen, faked moon landings and Adolf Hitler being the same person as Walt Disney. Thanks Internet.

For me it comes down to motive. Why would the government cover up the aliens?

“Oh, because of Cold War hysteria of course,” says some obese guy as he pushes his glasses up while sipping Zima in his mom’s basement.

I mean, if that were the case, wouldn’t the government want the Russians to know we had an alien spacecraft? Wouldn’t it make more sense to say, “Hey Russia! You may have atomic bombs, but we have an alien ship, including its nuclear bomb shields, ray guns and army cloning tubes. Who you gonna have an arms race with now? Suckers!”

Think of all the money that would have saved the Reagan administration.

Some say the government covered it up because it would blow people’s minds to know that we’re not alone in the universe. Somehow people would just freak out to know extraterrestrial entities were out there with superior intellects and abilities, like Sweden.

I guess that’s an OK reason to cover up the truth of our place in the universe. Most people can’t even handle Amazon Prime Day.

“Oh, I can’t believe it! I got a toaster oven for 17 percent off and there’s life outside of our solar system. I’m going to start a riot!”

If that’s the case, I think the government has it wrong. Perhaps we’d behave better if we knew we were not alone in the universe. It’s like when you’re home alone and use the bathroom without shutting the door, belch out loud and watch “Riverdale” reruns. You’d never do that stuff if someone else were in the house.

The same is true with the universe. If people know that some bug-eyed alien is watching them, they’re going to be on their best behavior. They certainly aren’t going to do primitive things that would put them in danger of probing. You know that an advanced species doesn’t understand why people start wars, destroy the environment or pay attention to Twitter, thus those who do those things get the probe.

However, I think the conspiracy theorists have it wrong.

Aliens with the ability to somehow warp space-time and travel several hundred times the speed of light are not going to crash in New Mexico after taking such a journey. I mean after navigating hundreds of thousands of light years, this ship is going to just break down and crash like your uncle’s Buick? I don’t think so.

Mathematically speaking, even if our solar system’s conditions for life is one in a million that means there are millions of other planets out there with life on them. It’s highly likely that at least some of them have intelligent life.

Considering the current state of things around here, there’s really no reason intelligent life would be interested in a place like Earth. What could an advanced race of super intellects hope to learn from a race that struggles to make televisions that last longer than two years?

Follow David Anderson on

Twitter at twitter.com/cruizerdave

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