We made it to and, more importantly, back from California — land of $4.25 for a gallon gas, paper straws and unisex bathrooms.
In California, Trump is about as popular as leprosy. However, he still has a higher approval rating than using one’s turn signals in heavy traffic.
Seriously, people looked at me like I was crazy because there was this blinking light on the back of my van informing them of my intention to merge to the left. Then I realized they were just shocked because they’d never before seen someone with Utah plates use turn signals.
Literally the first thing I saw when I crossed into Los Angeles County was a hearse leading a funeral procession. The driver of the hearse was flipping the bird at a passing motorist.
There were about 1 billion people in Disneyland last week. It was a slow time of year.
It’s about the only place on the planet where if you wait in line for 20 minutes, that’s considered good. Imagine waiting in line at the drive-through for 20 minutes. You’d be writing an angry letter to Col. Sanders himself.
But at Disneyland, a 20-minute wait is great for anything, except the $4 water line, which was generally pretty sparse.
Going to Disneyland is like sending your bank account into a cage match against The Rock, Jason Voorhees and the entirety of the Galactic Empire. After all, they only charge you enough to run a U.S. presidential campaign for a few days of entry. How else can they possibly break even? I’d hate to see Bob Iger go broke because they charged a reasonable amount for something that falls from the sky.
Speaking of price gouging, one of our favorite treats at Disneyland is the Tigger tail, which consists of marshmallows covered with caramel and chocolate. With labor, it costs approximately 48 cents to make one. They cost $7.
At the restaurant that’s built into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, they have a Monte Cristo sandwich for $30. I didn’t bother to ask if it came with fries or not; because unless it comes with a signed copy of Walt Disney’s autobiography, no sandwich is worth $30.
Especially when the next thing on the agenda is to ride a roller-coaster to see if you can make the sandwich come back up.
Disney’s price gouging also expanded beyond the boundaries of the park. All over the country McDonalds advertises dollar sodas. At the Anaheim McDonalds, those dollar sodas are $2.78 for a large.
The parking was another thing.
Fortunately, we were within walking distance, so we could leave the car parked at the hotel … for $28 a day. However, it was valet parking, which meant every time I needed to get something out of my vehicle, I had to have the valet bring the car to me. This means a tip is expected. Essentially I spent $3 to get my $1 toothbrush out of the trunk.
I actually didn’t feel bad about that tip. My boys asked the valet about the coolest cars he’d parked. After naming off things like Mercedes, Lamborghinis and Porsches, I interrupted him.
“Well, that’s cool, but I need you to fetch my minivan.”
He earned his tip.
While it may sound as though everything in California is expensive, it’s really not. You can breathe in as much secondhand marijuana smoke as you like at Venice Beach for free.
In fact as we were walking along the Santa Monica pier, a nice lady came up to us and put bracelets on our wrists as a symbol of love. That was so nice.
Then she demanded a “donation” of $5 each.
I told her we’d just give $5 for one bracelet, and she informed me that the one I had was $10. I wonder if she voted for Trump?
Follow David Anderson on
Twitter at twitter.com/cruizerdave